i owe my mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're goingto kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out ofthe carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing andbreak your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you somethingto cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouthand eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirton the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all thatspinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as ifa tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've toldyou a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into thisworld, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting likeyour father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of lessfortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we gethome."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it whenyou get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossingyour eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think Iknow when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off yourtoes, don't come running to me. "
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat yourvegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Doyou think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'llunderstand."
And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'llhave kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".