i owe my mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're goingto kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out ofthe carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing andbreak your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you somethingto cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouthand eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirton the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all thatspinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as ifa tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've toldyou a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into thisworld, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting likeyour father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of lessfortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we gethome."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it whenyou get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossingyour eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think Iknow when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off yourtoes, don't come running to me. "
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat yourvegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Doyou think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'llunderstand."
And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'llhave kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

who's the colored one now?

A white man enters a bar and sees a black man sitting on a stool. The white man says, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up.
He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK.
When I grew up I was BLACK.
When I'm sick I'm BLACK. When I go in the sun I'm BLACK.
When I'm cold I'm BLACK.
When I die I'll be BLACK.
But you sir, when you're born you're PINK.
When you grow up you're WHITE.
When you're sick, you're GREEN.
When you go in the sun you turn RED.
When you're cold you turn BLUE.
And when you die you turn PURPLE.
And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

oh boy!

Just yesterday was really uplifting. My dad's church friends came over and we came to talk and read about god, jesus, and mother mary. It made me see how different life is when you have such a strong belief on your religion. Basically what we talked about was what you saw in these portraits of mother mary and Jesus, and read some stuff in a book and did the rosary. i was shocked when the lady told my family and me that one hail mary is like a blow to the head to the devil. Thats the actual reason why we say the rosary.i was also freaked out when she told us a story on how this one lady tried to commit suicide so what the lady did was put her head in an oven, but as she did this she heard a voice that said 'take it off. take it off!' she took out her head and stuck her head in again and she heard the voice again so she didnt do it again. The only reason she heard the voice is because she was wearing a scapular which is like a dogtag saying that you belong to god.

I am really glad i learned this because they were asking me to go to this youth called first friday and idk if i really wanted to go because it is a devotion but i dont really know anyone there and its kinda scary to go to places your not familiar with.